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Flowers

by Slash Fiction

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1.
Broken mirror, on a wall A list of faces, I can't recall Stuck in this body, I didn't choose To be a player, but still I lose. When will I be free again? When will i be me again? When will I be free again? When will i be free? Broken mirror, on a wall I feel excluded, I feel so small And all my clothes don't, seem to fit me right And all my bones feel, pressed up inside. When will I be free again? When will i be me again? When will I be free again? When will i be free? If I could float away If I could drift away If I could fuse myself to someone else
2.
Regrets 04:27
My body is an instrument that I can't figure out how to play I keep fumbling at the chords and all of my strings are frayed When I look in the mirror, I see my own face I see the bags under my eyes and start to count up the ways I would change myself but I'm just so confused and afraid I think I'm stuck in the middle I guess I'm lost in the haze I've been attracted to men as long as I can remember, That doesn't prevent me feeling like an imposter Or feeling like I wasted all my teenage years and early 20s Caving in to compulsory heterosexuality. I have a lifetime of regret (lifetime of regret) Lying to myself's at the top of the list I have times when I forget (times when I forget) That being queer is powerful and that's what I am And it has taken some time To hold my head up with pride To look myself in the eye When I come home at night And I wouldn't be the man I am, Without my friends beside me And I'll never repay all of my debt, But I give love back to them with interest. I have a lifetime of regret (lifetime of regret) Lying to myself's at the top of the list I have times when I forget (times when I forget) That being queer is powerful and that's what I am Being bisexual used to mean to me, I didn't think I fit in with anyone Being bisexual's just a part of me, And I won't be ashamed. I have a lifetime of regret (lifetime of regret) Lying to myself's at the top of the list I have times when I forget (times when I forget) That being queer is powerful and that's what I am
3.
There's a different version of me, That's going to do everything I've said I will Be less of a disappointment He's going to be real good with money Be proactive and happy I just haven't gotten round to meeting him yet And I know (I know) That I'm losing ground And I can't make it back I'm still so fucking sad And I'm so cold (so cold) The chilblains in my hands Are more than I can stand I lost myself again. I'm counting hours again And it makes me feel so selfish Which only ends up making me feel worse For feeling this bad with no reason I'm my mother's child Her love and disease fill me And I'm scared that we'll both burst. And I know (I know) That I'm losing ground And I can't make it back I'm still so fucking sad And I'm so cold (so cold) The chilblains in my hands Are more than I can stand I lost myself again. Baby (baby) there's no good way to save me.
4.
Flowers 03:21
I've been finding my playlists dwindling I've been finding my heroes have been found out And all the men we looked up to at sixteen Were playing martyrs but we see that they're monsters now And you can't hide behind self deprecation To cover cracks that expand into canyons You'll be judged not by words, but by actions You talk about spine as if you ever had one. And now there's flowers on my arm, Where your lyrics used to be The only cover up you managed to achieve And we'll throw away all of your records, Your t-shirts and posters too Till all that's left are covered up tattoos. So I say fuck these self-loathing bastards, We all see you, we see that you're cowards now We'll rally round all the people that you hurt Lift up their voices so loud you can't drown them out We'll start our own bands and hold ourselves up to A higher standard than the bar that you set for us We'll take you down, we'll destroy the whole pedestal Piece by piece we will grind all of the rot to dust And now there's flowers on my arm, Where your lyrics used to be The only cover up you managed to achieve And we'll throw away all of your records, Your t-shirts and posters too Till all that's left are covered up tattoos. We won't forgive We won't forget We won't forgive And as time goes we won't forget
5.
Losing, the last of what's left of the sunlight Drinking in parks in the summertime Escaping our lives for a little while 'Cause our lives are more than a nine to five. Smoking, a shared cigarette just to catch our breath, Outside the bar to escape the noise You sat on my knee like a statuette Of a tiny bird larger than life And I hope, when I look back for the better times When I'm old and reflecting on my whole life At that stack of photographs in my mind That I see my friends in the summertime That I see my friends in the summertime That I see my friends all the time There's not a single piece of flat ground in this town I'm always straining my legs up hill, or I'm skipping down On my way to have one beer at your house I never use my handbrake so I'm wearing my clutch out, Yeah I'm wearing my clutch out All that, all that I want to see when I die, is all of my friends in the summertime Yeah all of my friends all the time. And I hope, when I look back for the better times When I'm old and reflecting on my whole life At that stack of photographs in my mind That I see my friends in the summertime That I see my friends in the summertime That I see my friends all the time

credits

released November 23, 2018

Written by Slash Fiction (Collison, Drinkwater, Garniss, Stringer, Webster)

Lyrics by Mike Webster

Recorded and Produced by Nathan Bailey at Toolmakers Studios, Sheffield: toolmakersstudio.co.uk

Artwork by Martha Summers: www.instagram.com/marthaaasummers

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Slash Fiction Sheffield, UK

Queer emo noise from South Yorkshire

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